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Having a child a move away to college can be one of the most exciting and stressful times to be a parent. Some researchers measure it at the same level as having troubles with your in-laws or foreclosing on a loan! Whether it is your first child leaving for college or your last, parenting doesn't end at that moment; it just looks different. Here are 5 tips for parenting a college student.

1. FERPA is real — and frustrating.

The Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) is a U.S. federal law that protects the privacy of student education records. In much the same way that HIPAA protects the privacy of medical health records, FERPA ensures that students control who has access to their educational records.

Investigate how your child can give you access to their educational records at the institution they attend. Without that permission, college employees will not be able to share information about classes, grades, student accounts, financial aid, housing issues or most anything related to your child's enrollment at the school.

2. Communication will change.

Regardless of how much time you had spent with your child while they were at home, you will likely wish you had more frequent updates about their life at college. You may have a child that will update you all day long via text messages or call you every evening to check-in, but it's much more likely you'll only get updates by asking for them.

Have a conversation with your child about what a reasonable update schedule looks like. Weekly phone call? Texts every few days? Finding the balance between hovering and silence is key. And if you get the standard answer to "So, how are you doing?" ("Fine."), switch your question to a statement: "Hey, tell me how your biology class is going." "Tell me about what you and your roommates are doing." The best 5 words you can say to continue a conversation are: Tell me more about that.

3. The first break home can be... weird.

Whether it's Fall Break, Thanksgiving, Christmas, or just a weekend home, that first time your child comes back after being away is just plain weird. Your child may have had a curfew or expectations to communicate everything about their plans while living at home, but they've been mostly independent while at college. When they come home they will likely still expect to be that independent. They will also likely be exhausted and spend a lot of time sleeping.

As with most things, clear communication is key. As your student is preparing to come home, ask them if they have any plans you should know about. If there is something really important you want them there for, let them know about it so they can plan. Ask them if there is any meal they really miss that you can cook for them. But be prepared that though you may want to spend every waking minute with them while you have them at home, it might not be realistic. That's sad, but it is also a normal part of growing up.

4. You'll miss the little things.

While it is exciting for your child to go off to college and find out who they are becoming and what they want to do, there is a very real sense of loss for most parents. In much the same way as mourning the loss of a loved one, parents will mourn the loss of a family dynamic — while still being excited for what their child is doing. Maybe you and your child would always chat at the end of the day, or watch the same show together, or have certain inside jokes; now that they are away, those times are reminders of what's missing.

It's ok to be sad when you look at that empty dining chair or forget how many are in your party when the hostess at your favorite restaurant asks. But please try to put on a brave face for your student; navigating college life is hard enough without feeling like your parents aren't surviving without you! It's ok to tell them, "We miss you. We love you. And we're so excited you get to do what you're doing."

5. Bust into the Hokey Pokey.

I frequently tell college parents that parenting now is kind of like the Hokey Pokey. You might need to "put your hand in" and help guide your child as they navigate college, but you'll also need to "put your hand out" and let them try to navigate things on their own. Or you might need to "put your head in" and help them think through how to solve a problem, but you'll also need to "put your head out" so they can actually make the decision on their own. There may be some instances where you need to "put your whole self in" if there is a crisis or some other situation, but you may also need to "put your whole self out" and just let your child deal with the natural consequences of their decisions. And it's so hard to figure out what to do in each instance!

A helpful tool I tell parents when their students are struggling is to ask them, "Who do you think can help you with this problem?" It might be the professor whose test they just bombed. It might be their RA if they are having roommate issues. It might be their advisor if they want to change their major or drop a class. Helping them find the expert who can assist with their problem (and teaching them how to problem solve) will serve them well as they mature into adults.

Parenting is always hard, but it takes on a new look when you're parenting a college student. Just remember, generations of parents have been doing this for centuries, and they've survived. You can too! After 4 (or 5?) years when your child walks across that graduation stage and grabs their diploma, you get to stand up, scream and shout, turn yourself around and do the Hokey Pokey — because that's what it's all about!

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