Evans is the Grover Cleveland of Bracketology

Posted Apr 12, 2019

Just as Virginia redeemed itself by winning the national championship after being the first #1 seed to lose in the first round last year, Dr. Evans has redeemed his poor finish from last year to win his third Department Bracketology Championship and continue both his papal aura and Dude-ness. Dr. Evans was aided in his victory when the Board of Elections threw out the Soft Demagogue entry because Southern Illinois’ version of Mayor Richard Daley illegally harvested a bracket entry. For winning in nonconsecutive years, Dr. Evans will be the Grover Cleveland of Bracketology for the coming year. Dr. Evans also picked the most correct games to help him avoid being like the real Grover Cleveland who won more states and votes but lost the Electoral College vote to Benjamin Harrison in 1888.

Dr. Evans edged put Charlie Ellis who got flat-footed on a short hop from Wisconsin which ended up being a sacrifice that advanced Dr. Evans to the championship. Hope-y Lou Hoo Campbell came in third but she was not upset. There was joy in Hooville as she was the only participant to correctly predict UVA would cut down the nets. She may not have turned the world upset down with her pick like Washington at Yorktown but picking the home state works out at times.

Donald Trump, via Dr. Evans picking another chaos bracket for the president based on religious teams and states that voted for him in 2016, came in fourth. On being informed he came in fourth, Trump declared a national emergency and re-directed the points appropriated to other players to give him enough points to win and build a “big, beautiful wall” along the Mexican Border. When informed that he could not do that, Trump disagreed claiming Robert Mueller provided COMPLETE AND TOTAL EXONERATION of collusion and a 4^th place finish.

Last year’s winner Josh Swafford fell to 7^th place. He spent too much time practicing moshing in anticipation of his first metal concert. Josh does share with Tranae Newsome the Nostradamus Honor for “Best Prognostication” by predicting Auburn would make it to the Final Four.

Former President Obama came in a disappointing 11^th. With all his free time, we wonder why he did not do a better job making picks. His entry is a reminder that you can’t just hope a blue wave will give you a win but that you must go out an earn it.

Coming in last this year is James Matthew Wyatt who made the bold prediction that UCF would have its “one shining moment.” James Matthew deserves his last place finish for taking advice on basketball from Kim Kardashian.