Baker Wins March Madness Bracket Challenge
Posted Apr 15, 2021
This morning, the Department declared Hunter Baker the winner of the 13th Annual March Madness Bracket Challenge. Initial results showed that President Joe Biden handily won the bracket challenge with 289 points leading the contest from start to finish, much like his lead over former President Trump in 2020. However after the results came in, Baker suggested that Biden’s victory might be a result of “bracket fraud” and needed to be investigated. Instead of tweeting “Stop the Steal,” inciting riots to storm the department chair’s office, and hiring incompetent attorneys like Sidney Powell, he quietly filed his protest with the department chair. After further review, the department chair concluded that Joe Biden did not fill out the bracket himself. Instead, the chair determined that someone else made picks on Biden’s by behalf choosing teams from blue states to defeat teams from red states and choosing Catholic schools to beat other schools. Due to its commitment to bracket integrity, the department voided Biden’s win and awarded Baker the victory.
Due to Baker’s commitment to election integrity and his academic background, Baker will serve as the Seth Low of Bracketology for the coming year. Low was a former President of Columbia who fought Tammany Hall and corrupt machine politics in the late 19th and early 20th Century to become Mayor of Brooklyn and New York City. Baker’s victory is more impressive due to his ability to come from behind. Joe Gee led the first two rounds of the challenge and then faded like Ole Miss’s glory in football after Archie Manning. Dr. Evans, a three-time winner of the bracket challenge, led the next three rounds but was undone by Big Ten teams underperforming in basketball like they do in football. Going into the championship game, two individuals had a chance to win. Will “I gave up my cell phone for free Chick-fil-a” Breedlove chose Gonzaga to win while Baker chose his alma mater Baylor to win. Baker was the only member of the challenge to choose Baylor and will be richly rewarded for his faith in the Bears.
By winning the bracket challenge, Baker also won faculty bragging rights. Dr. Ryan also chose one of his alma maters to win and could have done better but his alma mater was not destined to win national championships in football and basketball. Breedlove would be the student high performer, but the department’s commitment to “chicken integrity” means that it is voiding his performance and awarding high student performer to Emily Huddleston who rode the tails of Gonzaga from the neighboring state of Washington. Abby Aspinwall performed the best among new students by showing she was not afraid to pick upsets by choosing the Noles to win it all.
So congratulate all of these winner when you see them. We look forward to Dr. Baker defending his title next year but in the meantime, good luck as you wrap up the semester.
