Trenton Gold Medals in Bracketology
Posted Apr 7, 2022
Trenton Gold rode his Duke Blue Devils to the Final Four to win the Department’s 14th Annual Bracket Challenge. While it is typically a bad idea to select your favorite team to win it all, Trenton brought home the gold in believing the Blue Devils would send Coach K out on a high note in his final season. Just like Coach K has been a colossus in college basketball for the past 47 years winning 13 ACC Championships, making 13 Final Fours, and winning 5 national championships, Gold won the bracket challenge by an unheard of 44 points and winning enough points to win by the end of the second round. For these reasons, Trenton will be the Mike Krzyzewski of Bracketology for the year.
Winning the silver medal this year is Dr. Ryan who tried to extend the faculty winning streak to 3 after Dr. Baker’s win in 2022 and Dr. Evans’ win in 2020. Dr. Ryan correctly chose Duke and Kansas to make the Final Four but was hurt by choosing UT to win it all. Any good Alabama fan should know that UT’s tournament runs are as successful as quick Russian military victories in Ukraine.
The bronze medal goes to Hudson McCarthy who was heard yelling “Woooooooo, Pig! Sooie!” through the Elite 8 as his Arkansas Razorbacks outperformed all expectations. He edged out Peter Holmquist by picking Kansas to make it to the Final Four. With all the surprise wins, this year truly earned the tournament the moniker of “March Madness” and Peter did the best in Round 1 picking upsets but picked too many upsets the rest of the tournament to win. For his support of underdogs who don’t win enough, we proclaim him the General Manager of the Washington Generals for the year.
In other news, the computers had mixed success this year as 538’s statistical model came in 4th and KenPom’s ratings came in 12th. So if we average the two, they just beat Joe Biden’s picks based on blue state teams over red state teams, Catholic schools over non-Catholic schools, and a strong preference for swing state schools. This result shows us that random selection is almost as good as statistical models during March Madness.
Finally, the smart, attractive, compassionate Dr. Evans came in last. While she might feel better knowing that Ricky Bobby said “if you’re not first, your last,” we will be more Christ-like in our awarding championships. As Jesus said in Matthew 20: 16, “the last shall be first, and the first last.” Therefore, to keep the other Dr. Evans out of the doghouse, Trenton and the other Dr. Evans will switch places and she will be the honorary bracketology champion.