Helmick is the Harry Potter of Bracketology
Posted Apr 9, 2024
Braeden Helmick may spend time wondering about fantastic beasts and where to find them, but he is not fantasizing about winning the Department’s 15th Annual Bracketology Championship. He says that he picked the teams at random which is supported by his pick of Florida Atlantic to win the tourney. However, we don’t believe a Ravenclaw would do that. Instead, he used the Alohomora curse to unlock the secrets to bracketology, the Expecto Patronum to repel his Dementor opponents, the Expelliarmus charm to disarm his opponents’ bracketology wands, and the Bracketus Pickitus spell to choose enough winning teams to be the Harry Potter of Bracketology for the coming year. For winning the bracket pool, he will receive an award at this year’s Evanspalooza and have bragging rights for the year.
This is the second year in a row that someone has won the bracketology pool by complete guessing. In fact, second place Aubrey Eytchison and third place Joe Biden also guessed or had winners assigned based on being from a blue state, swing state, or Catholic school. With his guesses, Biden led after the first two weeks and then saw his lead collapse like the Afghan government after a poorly planned, premature withdrawal.
It took someone who did a little research to pick teams to come in fourth as Dr. Evans picked the most correct wins in the tourney. Yet, he fell short due to Braeden putting the Calvorio curse on him. Dr. Evans lost out on his third bracketology championship but edged out his colleague who chose his alma mater over a home-state team. Though Professor Brake did beat out the computers by edging out the KenPom rankings which shows AI will not conquer us yet.
Our defending champion, Eva Isom was not as awesome as last year and ends her reign as the First Lady of Bracketology. However, she along with Audrey Taylor and KenPom choose the correct national champion in the UConn Huskies.